Man Doing Whippet
While Setting Off M-80 In Woods Behind Hardee’s Takes Moment To Reflect On How
Promise Of Freedom Yet Unfulfilled
NORPHLET, AR—Breathing deeply of
nitrous oxide as he listened to the powerful explosions, solemn and somber
local man Maxwell Baker reportedly took a moment while doing whippets and
setting off M-80s in the woods behind Hardee’s Saturday to reflect upon the
unfulfilled promise of American freedom. “This nation was conceived as a city
on a hill, yet we’re still generations away from achieving that founding
vision,” said Baker, tossing an empty canister of Reddi-wip to the ground as he
stood amongst a cluster of trees off the expressway and ruminated on the true
meaning of Independence Day. “It’s important to remember these noble ideals
we’re celebrating are just that—ideals, and not a reality we’ve brought forth
upon this land. We’re more than 200 years into this so-called ‘grand
experiment,’ and what do we have to show for it? Mass incarceration? Economic
inequality? Unending racial injustice? True liberty is enjoyed only by the
wealthy and the privileged.” At press time, Baker was meditating on the
inseparable relationship between capitalism and oppression while heading down
to the Hardee’s parking lot to see what would happen if he tied the fuses of a
couple M-80s together and set them off in a dumpster.
RonDoids has learned
that Maxwell Baker's
brother was an
only child!
No comments:
Post a Comment