Monday, March 23, 2020

A FEW LAUGHS TO CHEER YOU UP Jack Blanchard's Column March 23, 2020

Thousands of intelligent good-looking readers.


I'm getting crows feet, but somehow my shoes still fit.

When I was a young brat
a lot of the kids in our neighborhood were getting their adenoids taken out.
It was a war to eliminate adenoids from the Earth.
I don't think anybody knew what they were, but they wanted them gone.

THE LIMO. Misty and I once bought a raggedy old limousine for $90.
We needed transportation and would rather look eccentric than poor.
To add to the effect, we colored it powder blue with house paint and a brush.
At a gas station two tough guys said they knew the car
and we owed money there. We'd never been there before in our life!
I floored it and sped away at four miles an hour.

Asthma only bothers me around cigars or dogs.
The worst is a dog smoking a cigar.

Misty said, "My hair looks like a drowned rat." I said, "No. It looks like a nice rat."

Every Thanksgiving I enjoy catching squirrels and dressing them up as Pilgrims.

Chickens can't fly backwards except when they sneeze.

They sent my uncle down in the mine to make sure it was safe for the canary.

EXCITEMENT IN A SENIOR COMMUNITY... The unexpected pregnancy.

I've been sitting on the porch staring at the birds. They're starting to stare back.

Oh, to be young again and full of false hope.

I was fired from the orange-juice factory because I couldn't concentrate.

"Bewitch me, darling, Bewitch me." "I'll bewitch you in a minute. I'm busy."

At my colonoscopy they found my car keys, a pair of dice, and a harmonica.

I was taking a milk bath. The cow slipped on the soap and broke my leg.

I wonder why my eyes burn after sex. Maybe it's the pepper spray.

I asked the bank teller to check my balance. She leaned over and pushed me.

We have enough money to last for the rest of our life,
unless we buy something.

Jack Blanchard

Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan..
Billboard Duet of the Year, Grammy and CMA Finalists.
Home Page: 
© Jack Blanchard, 2020

No comments:

Post a Comment