What's In A Name? Jack Blanchard's Column October 22, 2019

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

MacArthur Fark was supposed to be named after a famous general,
but he still thought it was a joke his parents played on him.
They enjoyed it too much.
He tried to get others to call him Mack, but nobody did.
They called him Farky.
Life can be tough for a kid with a funny name.
He was good at sports in school, smarter than most, and not bad looking,
but he never got the respect he hoped for.
Once at his birthday party everybody sang this song:
“MacArthur Fark is barking in the dark…"
His only "friend" was Norman Rockwell,
a smallish student who looked like a part time troll
and who barely managed a C minus average by cheating.
Everybody called him Rocky.
The football coach put Rockwell on the squad
because he liked to yell the name Rocky at roll call.
He got a laugh when he yelled out “Farky.".
Coaches can be jerks.
Norman’s high school letter sweater said “Rocky” on it.
He never took it off. The girls loved it.
MacArthur’s sweater said “Farky”.
“Yeah, that'll draw the debutantes.”, he thought.
The summer after graduation they both worked at Burger King.
Rocky was made manager, and had “Rocky” on his hat.
Then they went off to different colleges,
and when the shock of facing real life caught up with them,
they didn’t see each other for a long decade.
Rocky made a hell of a car salesman.
Who wouldn’t trust a Rocky?
He was promoted to general manager,
and then controlling partner in Rocky’s Best Buys, a nationwide dealership.
He was on the Better Business Bureau’s "Most Wanted" list,
and lived in an exclusive gated community,
where customers could not find his home to kill him.
Farky had not done as well.
He had just lost a promotion to a guy named Casey,
when he spotted his old friend in a local bar.
Rocky was holding court at a large table, surrounded by his salesmen
who were laughing at his dumb jokes and kissing up.
Farky carefully placed his fourth double whiskey on the bar
and approached the group.
Rocky saw him coming, but didn’t recognize him.
“Who’s this wanker?” he said.
His stooges laughed.
Farky, smiled, lifted Rocky out of his chair by the throat,
and said “Hello, Norman”.
As Rocky was being strangled he still thought Farky was an angry customer.
“I’ll give you your money back!” he croaked!”
Farky kept cheerfully killing him.
MacArthur Fark was arrested and sentenced to thirty-five years,
but it was reduced to ten years because the victim was a car dealer.
MacArthur didn’t mind prison at all because nobody called him Farky.
He was big and strong, and the cons all called him Mack. 

Jack Blanchard

Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan...
Home Page: http://www.jackandmisty.net
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Billboard Duet of the Year, Grammy and CMA Finalists. 

© Jack Blanchard, 2019